"Those were hard things for me to come by, and I offer them to you for what they may be worth." - Toby Wolff

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Memory Lane

It started with a contact on Facebook, from my very first friend of memory...kindergarten...pre kindergarten? I have two vivid memories of childhood and they both involved Kimmy. And she wrote to me this...

"And now..memory lane...Remember when we walked your brother to the neighbors house for a dinner invite. He in his tie, walking down that long driveway and farting all the way (he was nervous!) We thought it hysterical! And, do you remember talking a dance class one summer with me? "Joy to the World..all the boys and girls..joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea,joy to you and me.." still reminds me of that and you.

Do you remember one summer you got invited to 2 birthday parties and I went to the second one without you! They were on the same day and you had already rsvp'd to the first one. The one I got to go to was a miniature golf party and taco bell! You were so mad at your mom and me! I guess your mom rsvp'd me for the 2nd party! Strange! Funny! Your party was just cake and milk and pin the tail on the donkey. Sorry about that."

I didn't remember. Don't remember any of it. I felt bad, that she might feel slighted, like she wasn't worthy of remembering. So I sent her a couple posts I had done about my mom, the deficit with which I start each day, and alluding to the general screwed up nature of me. And in response, she wrote...

"I will tell you that I probably remember much too much of your childhood--it broke my heart then and stayed with me until now--it is still with me

I am so sorry
I can't breathe seriously
I can barely see through my tears to write you
I always knew something was wrong
even at five, at six
I saw it, felt it and I wanted to take you with me to a different place--I remember her vividly still."

And now we will meet, and hopefully she will tell me of these things, give pieces to a puzzle that collects dust, unfinished.

I am frightened
I am excited.
I'll keep you "posted".

(The photo, Kimmy scanned for me. My brother, she and I. Her sister stands.)