"Those were hard things for me to come by, and I offer them to you for what they may be worth." - Toby Wolff



Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Before I Ruin It

Image found here

Christmas cards lay unopened
like a stack of newspapers that will become tinder
then fire, then ash.
I wonder when we will just throw them out
but it seems too symbolic
of something we can't yet name.

Valentine is a romantic notion
thread, buttons, hearts under pressure
sewn together, unraveling, mended, torn
and from love, this most delicate of emotions,
Hallmark makes a killing.

Ah, but friendship is in the air today
falling like heart petals
blanketing the injured sea with a transfusion of blood red.
I sat for a moment among them
casting off glances at the unexpected
trolling for sharks.

Best go now
before I catch one.


(I am a melancholy personality and my own worst enemy. I tend to look backwards, and forwards, and have a hard time simply being in the moment. I duck my head, waiting for the anvil to drop, yet also knowing I am an anvil. Sometimes friendship can only be received in small doses. Given too much time, I might find something to ruin it with!)
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30 comments:

  1. you blew me away with this. I typically skip through poems but this time, i held onto every word.

    and then I read the..."(I am a...)" part and sat, for a good long time, not doing just... thinking...., damn, this girl has an open, honest relationship with herself. bravo!

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    1. How are you Monkey??? I've been thinking about you and enjoy your posts for the same reason. I try not to skip any so as to keep up with your journey, but it's been hard for me to get here much. Thanks for reading! It's a great compliment to have a non-poetry reader read a poem :)

      I'm praying for your health girl!

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  2. I love this! Beautifully written. I know what you mean about being your own worse enemy. Many people are that way :)

    Hope you enjoy your Valentine's Day!

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    1. Thanks Jax. I hope someone sends you chocolate and flowers :)

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  3. Replies
    1. Lol! Sounds like you are wishing me a Venereal Disease. Happy VD to you too MacNish.

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  4. I love the second stanza...that's a powerful bunch of words girl and they speak miles of truth.

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    1. Thanks Liza. High praise coming from a pen like yours :)

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  5. not a chance,,,of you ruining it...:)

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    1. Hiya Glenn. How's your health? What did you get the Boss for Valentine's Day? How are the grandkids? Just bein' nosey.

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  6. Oh beautiful. And the footnote. Sigh. I feel you. :-) Hug?

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    1. Hug? Lol, always appreciated. Thank you Zeba.

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  7. Valentine is a romantic notion
    thread, buttons, hearts under pressure
    sewn together, unraveling, mended, torn
    and from love, this most delicate of emotions


    nice, annie. very nice.

    and love? what is love? certainly nothing that can be sewn to any season.

    have a romantic one, today and always.

    xo
    erin

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    1. Love is such a broad word. I love my couch. I love ice cream. I love you. The meaning changes with context. Hope you had a wonderful Valentines Day.

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  8. what? what?! you didn't open my christmas card?! :^)

    okay, i'll be (more) serious now. the poem is beautiful.

    "Ah, but friendship is in the air today
    falling like heart petals
    blanketing the injured sea with a transfusion of blood red"

    this comforts me: friends who blanket and transfuse injury. who could ask or expect more? the image is incredible, wonderful, annie.

    i had a viseral reaction to your addition, the part about given too much time, you might find something to ruin it with. i have too often hung in and tried too hard and too much for not enoughh in return. i don't want to do that anymore. the steps and offerings in friendship don't need to be equal, but these days (finally), i'll take a step or extend a hand and then i will wait to see if it is welcomed AND reciprocated. turns out i'm not cut out for friends who warn me they might ruin it.

    so please don't if you can help it.

    (i hope this is not too honest, and i also hope you know it's both hopeful and respectful)

    love
    kj

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    1. I did open your Christmas Card :) This is a delicate friendship at the moment. Extenuating circumstances. Not your run of the mill deal. But I understand what you're saying. I've never considered I might ruin a friendship or a moment before. Quite frankly, I don't recall either "notion" ever having crossed my mind. Ack. I'm not in a place to explain it right now, but wanted to say your honesty is always appreciated KJ!

      (Hugs)

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  9. Wonderfully said… Being in the moment when the moment is going well is sort of scary, especially when a good moment continues on for a while.. Enjoy the special days.

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    1. Not sure which is harder for me. Being present in a good moment or a bad one. I'll have to think about that. Thanks Anthony.

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  10. Eh, look on the bright side, celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.

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  11. I know the feeling too well. I'm a worry toad.

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    1. A worry toad?? Ben you are a fricken hoot!

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  12. there's no certainty. bad shit happens. that comes from experience living in this world. i would like to find the itinerary for the next life myself...

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  13. Beautiful writting, there is nothing to be nervous or afraid of when it comes to friends
    So, is this a new friendship or a rekindling? It might be something that is needed by both.
    Rabbit

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    1. Might be. I guess we'll be finding out!

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  14. I don't think you ruin things the way you think you do. Maybe the space between how much you ruin things and how much you THINK you ruin things is, in fact, your safety net, your little orange floaties that keep you safe and separated from the rest of the world.

    You are a wonderful person, and I'm sure a wonderful friend as well, Annie. Of that I have no doubt.

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  15. Wisdom packed in between the lines here,
    I hope you had a good Valentine's day! :)

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  16. Annie,
    this fit in with recent days of my life...i love the para before the last two lines...the imagery created is absorbing to the extent i felt a need to raise my head above to breathe...for i found myself sitting with you...hope you have been good...

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  17. Anne we can only be who we are, mostly. The transformation through a crucable is painfull, but when the mold is struck what comes out sometimes is beautiful.

    Keep walking friend, hoping this year is less painful for the both of us.

    Wander

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  18. Dear Annies... Our personalities/souls/idiosyncrasies seem so similar... it people like ourselves are legion...

    *sighs*

    ~shoes~

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  19. hee-hee. catching a shark is a great image to close with. very nice.

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Thank you for listening.