"Those were hard things for me to come by, and I offer them to you for what they may be worth." - Toby Wolff
Showing posts with label Loneliness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Loneliness. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Stone Aged Loneliness
The cabin stood with the longevity of a world wonder. It was as if each stone had emigrated from a foreign land and drawn together out of a need for community. Having held the same footprint for centuries, the structure was stalwart, unwavering, unwilling to concede any ground to decay or progress. The moon would rise soon enough, feeling no jealousy over the hours it was not luminary. Though brighter, the sun could never paint the water as beautifully, and every celestial body knew it. Here, at the edge of infinity, the only other illumination would be whatever wood, oil or wax a match was struck against.
The old man was unconcerned of wattage or time. His line was cast and the boulder on which he sat was the lesser twin to the one he leaned his back upon. Soft, cushy places never gave him much leverage, and they seemed to foster an apathy he just couldn't stomach any longer. His line was slack, but he craved the pull. Tension meant there was something on the other end worth fighting for, and life had been flaccid far too long.
There was a quiet that had settled here, long before stone upon stone built human boundaries. That same quiet was a megaphone to anything out of the ordinary. The "driveway", a worn dirt path speckled with gravel and bird shit, announced arrivals as rarely as a holiday, and were just about as unwelcome. But loneliness drove a hard bargain and after a lengthening decade, he was ready to dicker. When he heard tires crunch a hesitant beat to the symphony of encroaching night...something in his gut quickened. He didn't care who it was, or how long gone, or how long stayin'. Everything suddenly went taut...and it felt damn good.
Labels:
Cabin,
Hermit,
Loneliness,
Self Exile,
Stone,
Stone Age
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Hello Lonely
Your loneliness spent the night,
having arrived for dinner
unannounced.
Do you feel better today
knowing I went so far into the heart of it
that I tapped out?
I am weaker than I ever imagined
and stronger,
the brows of both
lifted in surprise.
Loneliness is a fog.
It is not the blanket that some poets romanticize.
It is just cold.
But it motivates us towards warmth
and inclines us to see.
We swipe at our eyes
and wave our arms like windshield wipers.
Where is home?
Why has our shadow gone missing?
We look comical,
but here in the loneliness
we no longer care of hecklers.
Their company is welcome.
.
.
.
.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
The Hope of Loneliness
This loneliness is so familiar. I have swallowed this feeling year after year, indigestion of my lack...lack of something I couldn't put my finger on, but assumed automatically was my fault. If I am at fault, then I can fix it! I can improve. 28 steps to a better me. There was medication and therapy, self help books, prayer, hours seeking insight.
After all that work, I'm still alone, and just as lonely as half of a whole. It's easier to be lonely alone than lonely together. There's no pretense of happiness set like dinner table utensils. It's just an emptiness that has an opportunity for fulfillment. It's an amazing hope to be a parking space with no car.
Someday, a vehicle may arrive.
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