"Those were hard things for me to come by, and I offer them to you for what they may be worth." - Toby Wolff

Friday, April 22, 2011


Have you ever started to feel okay
like you were at peace with the world
and everyone in it

and then you fell on your ass
splayed open
and the world cries "OMG"
and you shout "SHIT"

and you wished the ground would open
and swallow you whole
but of course, instead
a pedestal is raised
in your fucking honor

and you
as the statue they mock

Oh God.....it's awful

and every day to relive it
is torture
and humiliating

rightfully so

and so it is

to be small

and human


  1. Yes, I have felt this way.

    Annie I don't know what to say except that there are times when we feel so low about ourselves that we actually have to force our focus outwards again else we will combust in some fashion.

    Always remember you are loved for you. Not for only for the parts of you that you choose to share, but for the whole complete woman that you are.

    Love you Annie. xx Jos

  2. Loved the genuine emotion in the poem. The last three lines are amazing

  3. We're all human, all born naked, and we all fall on occasion. Great piece!

  4. more or less,
    small and human.

    sorry for the rough patches, annie.


  5. The image shows so well the suffering expressed in your words. And yes to: “Have you ever”, especially with pedestal when searching for an opening in the ground.

  6. I think I felt this way more less for most of middle school and into high school up to a point.

    I hope things are a little better now. Time gives perspective.

  7. Surviving the fall from the pedestal will only make you stronger. Stronger than you already are. Remember that. Besides, we're all down here to cushion the landing.

  8. Thank you everyone. I wrote this poem completely drunk off my butt, having just embarassed myself imeasurably among peers. But I got right back on the horse the following morning...contrary to a long held pattern of avoidance in those situations...and it wasn't awful, it wasn't really a big deal. But today will be the biggest test of all. Entering the Easter service, and following meal, wearing the elephant on my head...the elephant called shame. I will try to be just in my own head, not in theirs. I will try to remember that their opinions are not the ones that matter, and that their judgements (spoken or silent) are weightless. Nonetheless, it's gonna be a hard day. But here I go...back on the horse again, wearing my elephant.

  9. ,,,Ms. Winne,,,humm, you are a champion,,,

  10. Beautiful words with a great image. Lovely. And expressed genuinely.

  11. Glenn - Hardly! Ha! I am a disaster most days. But aren't we all?

    Reena - Thank you! Appreciate you stopping by. I'll hop over to your place and have a look around :)

  12. Great words for Easter as we remember Christ's humiliation and mocking. -Young One

  13. YO - I was thinking of that too...how this had to be absolutely no big deal compared to that. Good timing. But God always seems to have that, while mine is off by an hour at least.

  14. and it never goes away!
    I can conjure the memory AND bad feelings to this day of so many humiliations.
    great description of emotion.

  15. Evelyn - Oh but I wish it did. Some memories should have a delete button. But then perhaps, we'd have to endure the event again, for the lesson also lost!

  16. Ugh, this piece hit me squarely where my heart lives. Having grown up regularly used to public humiliation and private shame, it was hard to read about you going through it as well. Ick, ick, ick. I had a physical reaction to this post (which just testifies how it good it is.)

    Strange how humiliation brings me right back into being a child again. Does it do that for you too?

  17. Tracy - I don't really remember being a child, but my body does. My body reacts based on memories I can't grab. But humiliation today does bring me back to the teenage years. Public humiliation and private shame. A powerful cocktail and a hell-of-a hangover for years to come. Agreed. My mother always told me that people were talking about me behind my back. So to give the public a reason to talk, laugh, make fun, snicker, is a very hard place for me. It is a gutteral reaction, as yours. Thanks for the empathy.

  18. Hmmm... those comments from your Mom would/could easily serve to bolster feelings of paranoia/unworthiness.

    Our own personal job is to remember that those giving us the most Hell have their own issues with which they must deal...

    You are loved...


  19. Thanks Shoes! From one canvas sneaker to another... :)

  20. You realize thats a picture from a pornographic site right? Just throwing it out there haha. Lovely poem though! Its very good.

  21. Anonymous - Ha! No...just found it on google image. And you are which anonymous? Initials? Code word? Something?


Thank you for listening.