"Those were hard things for me to come by, and I offer them to you for what they may be worth." - Toby Wolff



Friday, April 22, 2011

Humiliation




Have you ever started to feel okay
like you were at peace with the world
and everyone in it

and then you fell on your ass
naked
splayed open
and the world cries "OMG"
and you shout "SHIT"

and you wished the ground would open
and swallow you whole
but of course, instead
a pedestal is raised
in your fucking honor

and you
live
writhing
as the statue they mock

Oh God.....it's awful

and every day to relive it
is torture
and humiliating

rightfully so

and so it is

to be small

and human
.
.
.
.
Posted by Wine and Words

21 comments:

  1. JosApril 23, 2011

    Yes, I have felt this way.

    Annie I don't know what to say except that there are times when we feel so low about ourselves that we actually have to force our focus outwards again else we will combust in some fashion.

    Always remember you are loved for you. Not for only for the parts of you that you choose to share, but for the whole complete woman that you are.

    Love you Annie. xx Jos

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  2. MahaApril 23, 2011

    Loved the genuine emotion in the poem. The last three lines are amazing

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  3. BubbaApril 23, 2011

    We're all human, all born naked, and we all fall on occasion. Great piece!

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  4. erinApril 23, 2011

    more or less,
    small and human.

    sorry for the rough patches, annie.

    xo
    erin

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  5. Anthony DuceApril 23, 2011

    The image shows so well the suffering expressed in your words. And yes to: “Have you ever”, especially with pedestal when searching for an opening in the ground.

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  6. matt at shadow of irisApril 23, 2011

    I think I felt this way more less for most of middle school and into high school up to a point.

    I hope things are a little better now. Time gives perspective.

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  7. Monica ManningApril 23, 2011

    Surviving the fall from the pedestal will only make you stronger. Stronger than you already are. Remember that. Besides, we're all down here to cushion the landing.

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  8. Wine and WordsApril 24, 2011

    Thank you everyone. I wrote this poem completely drunk off my butt, having just embarassed myself imeasurably among peers. But I got right back on the horse the following morning...contrary to a long held pattern of avoidance in those situations...and it wasn't awful, it wasn't really a big deal. But today will be the biggest test of all. Entering the Easter service, and following meal, wearing the elephant on my head...the elephant called shame. I will try to be just in my own head, not in theirs. I will try to remember that their opinions are not the ones that matter, and that their judgements (spoken or silent) are weightless. Nonetheless, it's gonna be a hard day. But here I go...back on the horse again, wearing my elephant.

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  9. glnrozApril 24, 2011

    ,,,Ms. Winne,,,humm, you are a champion,,,

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  10. ReenaApril 25, 2011

    Beautiful words with a great image. Lovely. And expressed genuinely.
    Reena

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  11. Wine and WordsApril 25, 2011

    Glenn - Hardly! Ha! I am a disaster most days. But aren't we all?

    Reena - Thank you! Appreciate you stopping by. I'll hop over to your place and have a look around :)

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  12. AnonymousApril 25, 2011

    Great words for Easter as we remember Christ's humiliation and mocking. -Young One

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  13. Wine and WordsApril 25, 2011

    YO - I was thinking of that too...how this had to be absolutely no big deal compared to that. Good timing. But God always seems to have that, while mine is off by an hour at least.

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  14. EvelynApril 28, 2011

    and it never goes away!
    I can conjure the memory AND bad feelings to this day of so many humiliations.
    great description of emotion.

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  15. Wine and WordsApril 28, 2011

    Evelyn - Oh but I wish it did. Some memories should have a delete button. But then perhaps, we'd have to endure the event again, for the lesson also lost!

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  16. PhoenixApril 28, 2011

    Ugh, this piece hit me squarely where my heart lives. Having grown up regularly used to public humiliation and private shame, it was hard to read about you going through it as well. Ick, ick, ick. I had a physical reaction to this post (which just testifies how it good it is.)

    Strange how humiliation brings me right back into being a child again. Does it do that for you too?

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  17. Wine and WordsApril 29, 2011

    Tracy - I don't really remember being a child, but my body does. My body reacts based on memories I can't grab. But humiliation today does bring me back to the teenage years. Public humiliation and private shame. A powerful cocktail and a hell-of-a hangover for years to come. Agreed. My mother always told me that people were talking about me behind my back. So to give the public a reason to talk, laugh, make fun, snicker, is a very hard place for me. It is a gutteral reaction, as yours. Thanks for the empathy.

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  18. Red ShoesApril 29, 2011

    Hmmm... those comments from your Mom would/could easily serve to bolster feelings of paranoia/unworthiness.

    Our own personal job is to remember that those giving us the most Hell have their own issues with which they must deal...

    You are loved...

    ~shoes~

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  19. Wine and WordsApril 29, 2011

    Thanks Shoes! From one canvas sneaker to another... :)

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  20. AnonymousOctober 05, 2011

    You realize thats a picture from a pornographic site right? Just throwing it out there haha. Lovely poem though! Its very good.

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  21. Wine and WordsOctober 05, 2011

    Anonymous - Ha! No...just found it on google image. And you are which anonymous? Initials? Code word? Something?

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Thank you for listening.

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