It is a candle from which both ends might be lit.
Is it strength to show pain, or to hide pain? It is strength to pretend, or to tell the truth...to protect, or to inform? It is strength to move or be moved? Is the surgeon who cuts, stronger than the patient who is cut? I wanted to be strong from both ends. It takes strength to face giants. It takes strength to be a giant. It takes strength to be a disappointment. It takes strength to be disappointed.
If I'm doing the best I can
and I burn up in the flames
how will you label my ashes?
"Before the Truth will come to fill our eyes
The wool comes down in the form of fireAnd when the the answers and the Truth have cut their ties
Will you still find me
Will you still see me
Through smoke
I was born in a house in a town just like your own
I was raised to believe in the power of the unknown'Cause when the answers and the Truth take different sides
Will you still find me
Will you still see me
Through smoke"
- Needtobreath
I love this piece, very evocative... I think you'd like the video I posted on my blog- it's a bit long but totally worth it. Strength IS vulnerability shown.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting video! Thank you so much for sharing. I put my own recollections down here...
Delete"Vulnerability is not weakness, and that myth is very dangerous. Vulnerability is emotional risk. Our most accurate measurement of courage is to be honest.
We have to talk about shame. No one wants to talk about it. Falling apart does not feel fantastic. I grew up with this moral imperative: You've gotta dance with the one who brung ya. And I did not learn about vulnerability and courage and innovation from studying vulnerability. I learned about them from studying shame.
Every problem has shame within it's context, so we shut our eyes.
Shame drives two big tapes. "Never good enough" and "Who do you think you are." Shame says "I am bad." Guilt says, "I did something bad." I made a mistake vs I am a mistake.
Empathy is the antidote to shame. If you put shame in a petrie dish it needs three things to grow exponentially: Secrecy, Silence and Judgement. If you put the same amount of empathy in a petrie dish and douse it with empathy, it cannot survive."
These are powerful words. I will mull them over. Thank you for sharing EcoGrrl!
watch here: http://youtu.be/psN1DORYYV0
It was so powerful - I was scribbling down quotes as well, and the discussion of what both men and women face was so true. It made me really see things I say to myself and focus on changing my own perspective. Powerful.
DeleteHi Annie, good to see you writing! Your ashes will be labeled probably close to the same as mine...He meant well...
ReplyDeleteWander
I've have wondered ad nauseum what my tombstomb will say. My friend Lisbeth would say "f*cked at birth". Is intent worth anything? I ask it of myself, not of you. Well...maybe of you as well. What weight is intent? Intent is only the precursor to action.
DeleteWhen in despair of my being able to stay alive Christopher told me "Your gravestone will read...He meant well" He was right, and I thought I would have that as my pen name, but I decided that was one moniker I could do without...I like Wander much better!
DeleteWander
This entry will hit to the bone for anyone who reads it. I think intent counts, but when the comment is "I did NOT intend," is that something different? Perhaps. Regardless, I no longer wonder what my tombstone will say. What I sometimes wonder is whether I will have left any imprint that has caused good that lasts past the last person who remembers me. Whether anything I've done has resulted in my intent down the line.
ReplyDeleteI don't know. I won't. That's where I get in a twist. Oops. I'm starting to drone on. See? Your entry was superb from my point of view because it is beautifully written AND it has made me think.
And I am on vacation and no intention of thinking!
Thank you for this entry.
I would hardly call that droning! But you're right. Legacy is something important to be considered. Sorry for the thinking diversion from vacation :) Enjoy!
DeleteIt takes a lot of strength to be a disappointment.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Erin is right then. Acceptance that we are a disappointment is a strength beyond actually being one. Biblically we are strongest when we are weak because any strength then comes not from ourselves.
DeleteI told my boys (41 and 45) a few years back
ReplyDelete"I did the best I knew how to raise you to be ready for the world. I told you to be kind, be truthful, be loyal. "
They have said that although these words were not the reality of growing up in the real world, they do feel they are better human beings.
my tombstone will read
"She did the best she knew how!"
Do any of us set out to do worse than we know? I would hope for that tombstone as well. And for our children we try even harder. Perhaps I over tried. I think I over compensated for some things in my childhood. My husband was an excellent counter weight to my unbalance in that respect.
Deleteps - just found out we are going to be grandparents!
Deletedo you still babysit?
you were the best!!!
night!
I love Peggy's comment. I've often said those same words... I have written of my Dad... and have often said he did the best he knew how to do...
DeleteI think we all do...
perhaps the greatest strength is acceptance. if we accept it all, the external and internal, and allow this moment to happen as it happens then all friction disappears. but this is, of course, easier said then done.
ReplyDeleteit seems to me you work with strength toward strength, annie.
xo
erin
God grant me the serenity. There are things we can change and things we can't, and God in his wisdom knows the difference. I ask for this knowledge. It does not come easily to me, as most things don't. Easier said than done is a statement born of many many tongues :) It is a conversation had around many ancient fires.
DeleteI think the only disappointments and regrets in life that we can't get past and heal from are the ones that come from not trying, not giving our best conserted effort. Life is and relationships are difficult. They always have been and always will be.
ReplyDeleteIf that can be honestly said and felt then there is no regret or disappointment warranted.
Live the life you want....with Wine and Words
Rabbit
The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long, and you have burned so very brightly.
ReplyDeletei havent been disappointed,,,not once...
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful song, my Annie. I think of a dragonfly's wing which looks so fragile yet allows it to fly far above us all. I saw one a few years ago that was so battered and torn it should not have worked, but she flew off after I snapped her picture. Love you!!! xoxo
ReplyDelete2 Corinthians 12:7-10
New King James Version (NKJV)
7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Thank you for the scripture Marion. I always appreciate it more than you know!
DeleteXO
I think allowing oneself to be vulnerable is very much a strength.
ReplyDeleteSome years ago, a friend of mine who was terminally ill with cancer could no longer take the pain... the agony... He took his own Life... on his own terms. Whatever happened was between him and God...
I overheard several well-meaning people to question him and refer to his having given in to his weaknesses.
I intruded into their conform zones with my opinion that his actions were arguably positions of strength.
Pffftttt...
Life isn't for the weak... it tests us each and every day...
*huggles* to you, Annie...
~shoes~
I wouldn't think that any of us could judge such a thing without first enduring the pain. (You never know what you will do until you find yourself face to face with a darkness you thought could not find you) Even then, it is only God's position to judge, for we are all failed humans. No, indeed, life does not cater to weakness, nor does it feed such a character....at least not in my experience.
DeleteI will never forget the things you've taught me with your words :-)
ReplyDeleteRight now all I can do is take this all in and feel blessed I came and read this post.
ReplyDeleteMy life is being tested right now.
Annie,
ReplyDeleteI guess strength would be somewhere between rage and utter peace of mind and soul...to approach this geography between the two giants....is where the question lies of a beginning...do you move to rage through the funnel of peace or do you destroy that funnel to start with...
these are beautiful words..thank you
http://youtu.be/Siubz3wJ9sc
ReplyDeleteI like the voices and the melody. Interesting lyrics. I don't like the "losing my religion" part though. I can see a strong thread in this song...and if we think of religion as a ritual, and not a relationship, then I can't fault it. But the song never really speaks to the specifics of religion the authors are losing.
DeleteI had to mull on this entry, Annie (then, again, all your posts are thought-provoking).
ReplyDeleteI've been struggling to lead an "authentic life." It started years ago in a time of great strife/divorce/pain. There was so much deception, betrayal, illusion, delusion and outright lies.
All I wanted was to find at least a small bit of authenticity.
Here's what I learned: It's damn hard to lead an authentic life.
Agreed. Hope all is well with you Jonas.
DeleteHi there old blog friend,
ReplyDeleteI am so touched by these words, your elegance in writing them I can feel; the trance and the tears welled up in my eyes...
I just came by to say hello,
what a coincidence?
Your blog friend,
Jesse
If I'm doing the best I can
ReplyDeleteand I burn up in the flames
how will you label my ashes?
whoa! four star!
what is the alternative to being vulnerable? to being authentic?
i think it must be being someone else and the cost of that higher than we ever anticipate.
all these dualities you so aptly identify. maybe that's the rub: we keep thinking we are this or that instead of this and that.
you have a terrific little blog here, girlfriend.
love
kj
Interesting to consider we are not "or" but "and".
Delete(Hugs)
hope you didn't mind i followed your lead on the topic of heft and strength:)
ReplyDeleteI think you said it, strength is what see you through the day. :)
ReplyDeleteWow, Annie! I love this.
ReplyDeleteMost of the time I don't know what the hell you're talking about. It's like I'm a monkey in the zoo, and you're feeding me through the bars and trying to teach me something my primate brain is ~almost~ ready to understand, but I'm not quite evolved enough to put it all in place.
That's most of the time.
Then, sometimes, you say something that the ape-matter can actually synthesize. This is one of those things.
I get it. You have to be strong in both ways.
To put it in the immortal words of Conan the Barbarian, I give you one of my favorite all-time quotes, from an old comic issue in the 90s:
"It's not how hard you can hit. It's how hard you can get hit."
Of course, he beat the crap out of the guy, so he had to be strong both ways, see.
Long live Conan!
- Eric
Heh heh...that monkey in the zoo thing was pretty funny. Glad you liked. I really don't try to be cloaked when I write. I'll have to pay more attention to that.
DeleteGood quote, but I think it should end with..."and get back up."
*fist pump Conan*