"Those were hard things for me to come by, and I offer them to you for what they may be worth." - Toby Wolff

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Abba Father

I sit rather gingerly on the edge of a lap I did not know was this comfortable. One hand holds his, and I feel awkward. Looking at his face, I see ancient and ageless mixed into an incredible beauty I fear I will never possess.

"Yes you will."

(How does he know my thoughts?)

"I see everything. You've hidden nothing, though I see you've tried," he smiles.

"All of this?" I ask, my hand leaving his to pantomime the warped human I inhabit.


"Even that?" I point behind me, incredulous!


"Even.........this?" My eyes spill over as I tap my heart with a shaking finger.

"Especially that. I know why it's there...ALL of it."

"And yet you love me?"

"Without question."

"Beyond all sense or reason?"

He laughs. "Child, you are not so hard to love. With every sense and reason, I love you. You are mine."

Acceptance branches out through a slow, giddy smile.  I take my hand from my heart and place it back into his, feeling the beat between our palms as if this heart is home. Leaning back against his expanse, I sigh into all that space. "I love you too Daddy.”.

Happy Father's Day to all you Papa's.


  1. I got chills reading this innocent, heart warming and beautiful( yes, beautiful) post.
    I need to save these words.
    thank you

    1. I need to save them too Peggy....somewhere deep, where they won't fade. Thank you!

  2. Wonderful… I have held my children in my arms. I wish I was as smart. If only this gift was as obvious to some of us fathers.

  3. Keep tapping that heart of yours, even if the fingers shake. It's the only way.

  4. Annie,
    A beautiful piece...and a reminder to be thankful to that kind heart.....

  5. Acceptance is the essence of love. Nice piece, Annie.

  6. New Testament

    At the best of times
    we love each one and they love
    us and who is who
    is no longer clear.
    Who is father and who is
    son and the daughters
    are now our mothers
    and no days are so special
    as the embrasure
    where there was only
    the old stony face of God's
    chaotic judgement.

  7. :-) At the best of times. I don't find God's judgement chaotic, but felt His love more so. I suppose it's my upbringing and the churches I aligned myself with. Lots of legalism. There is a soft side to God, and a fierceness to his love that matches, if not surpasses wrath. I rarely look at that side, and need to. But thinking about how my father now needs fathering, and my son is fathering roommates, and how we un-become what we once were sometimes creates a muddiness of sorts. But I love each one. Thank you Christopher.

  8. Oh ... from the church point of view about itself perhaps ... but I write of God's Judgement through and through in the world IF I look through and past the church template. This is the stuff when the good die young and people get away with murder, and nature red in tooth and claw and all that. I am in this poem roughly speaking of Old and New Testament and how it is in the world, not in the church per se.

    I understand how you feel about love and legalism. Nothing like legalism to confuse love. And yes, God's love may very well be fierce as well as limitless. However God is for me very much the result of living in the East as well as in the yearning of the "new age" which I deeply understand even while I am so not new age myself. I would call myself panentheist if I didn't kind of hate the term. My primary practice is Hindu. My primary theology is an asiatic mix.

    When I look at the Christian church I do so with some education but as an outsider because I left the church in my teens and have never returned.

  9. 'Child, you are not so hard to love'

    i'm tucking this in my back pocket, annie. will do us good to remember this.

    what does 'embrasure' mean? i should know, right?

    you have written about the best best love. unconditional slipping over love. i'm glad i've already begun,...


  10. ...all warm here, now...:)

  11. AnonymousJune 23, 2012

    I'm not too hard to love, even when I don't love myself.

  12. This is wonderful. Awesome!

  13. I am kinda pist at blogger right now! this never showed up on my reader...and at times the fricking thing eats your blog so I have to go all convoluted to find it!!!!!!!

    ok, rant over. This is a very beautiful piece, thank you for sharing.


  14. Just my blog? Reader eats my blog? Hmmmmm. Well...weird, or purposeful, or kismet. Who knows. You read it when you're meant to I guess, or you weren't meant too and you tried to hard beyond the weren't. LOL. Everything happens for a reason :) Thanks Chris.

  15. Not just yours...b ditty's also and punk chopsticks and about 6 others....grrrrrrrrr



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