"Those were hard things for me to come by, and I offer them to you for what they may be worth." - Toby Wolff



Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Super Cell



It was just energy
with the impetus to move you
from where you were, to where you needed to go.
It had form,
an almost human shape,
so much was blamed on its birth name
thereafter spat out with such vehemence
that it no longer rolled off the tongue,
but burned.

People, 
flesh and blood people in particular,
like to have someone to blame
for course changes that bleed
outside their lines.

"You let her out of your sight!
She drown! She DROWN!"

It is not satisfying to yell at the ocean.
It does not defend itself, cry, or apologize.
But it was the tide that took her,
and moreover....
the energy that drew her to the sea.

You cannot capture the ocean,
jail it, or remand it to therapy.
Funny though...
if you sit alongside it long enough
secrets are revealed.
The energy does concede some ground, 
though long after you desire it
and way before you're ready.
.
.
.
.
(Mmmmm, yes, I hear you. "What the hell is she talking about?" Well it is really a psychoanalysis discussion about events in our lives...how everything happens for a reason. If we need to be so moved, so healed, so cleansed, so informed....the perfect storm somehow manifests. I believe it is God. You may differ and call it something else. But I am learning to lean into the storm. It has many painful swells and at times I wish to succumb. At times I wear a life jacket of denial or numbness. At times I let the waves take me and that is where teaching begins. Do not hold to an emotion. Do not reject it. FEEL.)

24 comments:

  1. A life jacket of denial, that's a great line.

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    1. Thank you Amy. But it is not a great disposition :/ I am dragging these truths out of me...kicking and screaming.

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  2. Lay on your back in the water and feel it caress you, float and let the water move you. Relax , don't thrash about and you will find your way.

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    1. I did just this in Lake Almanor last weekend. I am such a superior floater!!!! Body fat is good for something :) But it did feel wonderful, just to float, to be taken.

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  3. Annie,
    I love this piece..Self exploring it may be but it pokes everyone a little who may come across ..I think we all have that life jacket..The sooner we learn to survive without the sooner we would turn inhuman..or something i guess...that we are supposed to be...or atleast called...i can only remember jack kerouac's line vaguely from the dharma bums.."i had nothing to offer anyone but my own confusion "...So atleast you leaning and making a sound point....Thank you for ordering the book...

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    1. Interesting comment about letting go the preserver and becoming inhuman. Perhaps you're right. These are survival techniques and might be more necessary than we realize.

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  4. The middle of it (she drown!) hit me like a ton of bricks. Today I prepare to say goodbye and the guilt permeates my skin, no matter how intellectually I understand.

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    1. Guilt and blame seem to halt progress...and yet there is no choice but to stay for a visit while passing through. Understanding is a hard knot to swallow. Takes a lot of gulping :) I'm sorry for all the loss you have had this year.

      ((Hugs))

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  5. I'm really glad I found you. :)

    Love.
    inthepourinrain.blogspot.in

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    1. Thank you! I'm glad you found me too!

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  6. I love storms. Thanks for the comparison to "storms in our lives" and storms. Aka my nickname is "Stormy".

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    1. Your name is always on my radar. Once I heard it, the name stuck with me. I love storms as well. They feel kindred. Thank you Stormy!

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  7. There is more than one way to drown, just as there is more than one way to get carried away.

    Nice introspective piece, Annie. ☺

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    1. So true. I saw a dog on the lake shore while I was canoeing. That dog wanted in so badly, but was too afraid, or perhaps did not feel permission. I shouted, "Jump! Swim! The dog paddle was made for you!" No luck. Just kept pacing on the shore.

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  8. ...tides come in,,,then they go out...a cycle...but they never completely disappear,,,sometimes riding the surf is the best survival...reckon?

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  9. I like the way, you have put such a complicated item into one simple image / imagination.

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    1. I tend to make things more complicated than they really are :) I suppose that is why I confuse myself so readily. But one way or another we are moved towards clarity. Writing helps. And storms :)

      Thank you for reading!

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  10. I love the storm metaphor. (God, how we LOVE our storms, no?) Your writing is so amazing & pure, my Annie. You've come so far.

    We've been fortunate this year to have many afternoon 'mini-storms'. It gets dark, begins to thunder ominously for about an hour, then rains softly for about 10 glorious minutes. I run outside and get in the middle of it. Even though I've been shunning the outside world (staying inside in the coolness, reading) I can still appreciate the storms. Love you!!! xoxo

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    1. To think I'd never written a poem before 2009 and now I can't imagine having not done so! Strange. Sometimes we bloom late. Sometimes we die early. No use trying to get a handle on it, cuz' life comes storming through no matter what! I am so jealous of your afternoon storms. Too much sun here :)
      ((Hugss))

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    2. I just read a 'chick lit' book by a woman who didn't write a word until she was 60 years old. She has five books out now. There is hope for all of us yet. :-) xoxo

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  11. Annie, I so know how you feel about what this ocean can do to us. As I sat on the beach of the Atlantic Ocean the feeling of the tide that swept through you and the taste of the salt on your lips. This very thing left me weeping and yet craddled me to go with it's every move.

    Your post are so up lifting to read

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    1. I don't think I've ever been called uplifting before :) The salt on my lips usually comes from tears. It is an ocean of sorts.

      Thank you dear.

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    2. The salt on my lips tends to come from a zealous bartender and my margaritas...

      Does that count?

      ~shoes~

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Thank you for listening.