"Those were hard things for me to come by, and I offer them to you for what they may be worth." - Toby Wolff



Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Hello Lonely



Your loneliness spent the night,
having arrived for dinner
only to discover it had been less than known.

Do you feel better today
knowing I went so far into the heart of it
that I tapped out?

If there were a way,
I would carve that stone
until my fingers ran bloody.
But it would still be faceless
having gained its immeasurable ground at the work of a foreign hand
gathering as a boulder that retires heavily, remote and stoic
as if it had never moved.

I am weaker than I ever imagined
and stronger,
the brows of both
lifted in surprise.

Loneliness is a fog.
It is not the blanket that some poets romanticize.
It is just cold.
But it motivates us towards warmth
and inclines us to see.

We swipe at our eyes
and wave our arms like windshield wipers.
Where is home?
Why has our shadow gone missing?
We look comical,
but here in the loneliness
we no longer care of hecklers.

It just is what it is.
.
.
.
.

20 comments:

  1. This captures being alone so well. carving the stone is great. I remember when young the quest I had for solitude in a place like your image shows, and how miserable I was later in life when the quest was achieved.

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    1. Be careful what you wish for is an important road sign. Be careful what you need is a painful and exacting toll. I'm not sure how to reconcile it. But then again, I am no longer trying. Just too exhausted. Tomorrow will become, and the day after that, and the day after that. I am not the potter, just the clay. It feels right to me that way, although the murky water sprays around me, and I am not pleased with that. Who could be? So where is the rest? Hard going. But I have had days, where I felt myself. It was....surreal and not yet trusted.

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  2. Tell me Annie, was the sadness visiting someone else, or was the narrator dissociating?

    Wander

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    1. I'm not sure I understand the question. There was a sadness visiting me. There is a sadness that lives with me. I am the narrator right....having written this piece? Was I dissociating? I felt like I was trying to connect, to attach my feelings to something. I felt sad, and lonely. I tried to pinpoint the why of that. It made me think of another persons loneliness (assumed on my part) and get inside of that, which I think I succeeded in doing, but I may not have been able to write it very well :)

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    2. You wrote it perfectly sweet friend. I recognized the face...

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    3. As for loneliness, I've found the worst by far is to be with someone and to recognize what you've written here. It does make us seek the warmth and friendship that knows no bounds. Love ya sweet girl! (Hugs) Indy

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  3. "Time has a way of taking time, lonliness is not only felt by fools."
    -Dave Mustaine

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  4. You know you're lonely when even your shadow isn't around to keep you company.

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  5. I was sad for an entire year once. I cried every day. It got better. I've been lonely in a crowd, my Annie. We are born alone and we die alone and in between, we hope to find love & friendship. You're my BFF and one helluva good poet. Home is in your heart and here is your home, at your blog. I love you, my Annie. xoxo

    "Home is not where you live but where they understand you." ~Christian Morgenstern

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    1. Your friendship has been a very important one for me. I imagine it's tough going for anyone to understand me when I can't even understand myself :) Sure am trying though.

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  6. Annie,

    I could not say but leave you with
    this

    It is only apt or coincidental that there is a message coming across to you in a few days....I wouldn't say about it here..

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    1. I hope it is your book :) And thank you for the link. I am trying so hard to listen.

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  7. That shadow has been my best friend... It initially scared me, but I guess I discovered that his bite wasn't as bad as his bark.

    The thing is... we do make it... eventually.

    ~shoes~

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    1. The thought ahead is always worse than the moment now. Rarely is as bad as we fear. You've made it just fine Shoes :)

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  8. I read this aloud to slow down and savor each of your words. You have such a beautiful way of discovering and sharing a moment. I needed this today, feeling lonely myself I'm trying to get to that place of alone being complete and not lacking. Thank you for your fearlessness, I am always deeply moved by your poetry.

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    1. That is very touching. I'm glad the words connected with you. I feel most lonely in a crowd, and only now and again do I feel lonely by myself. I think it's because you expect to feel so when you are isolated, but not when you're with people. That's a good place to look for....alone being complete and not lacking.

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  9. I really enjoyed the powerful language in this poem, Annie. But I wonder if the last line is a phrase that's become cliched.

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    1. Oh I definitely do believe it has become cliche. Who coined it? Eckhart Tolle? It's a phrase used often by the person whose loneliness I accessed here on my own personal level. So the line was fitting in that context.

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  10. why have i not left a comment already? i think because there are so many lines in this poem that are wonderful. this is my favorite:

    I am weaker than I ever imagined
    and stronger,
    the brows of both
    lifted in surprise.

    and this:

    here in the loneliness
    we no longer care of hecklers.

    and this:

    We swipe at our eyes
    and wave our arms like windshield wipers.

    i know about loneliness too. until recently i've been afraid of it. i had to experience a great loss to find my own company. figure that.

    i love you too, annie. i look forward to hearing you here, and there.

    the lessons teach and you are a wise and talented student.

    plus, i think you're spunky

    :^)

    love
    kj

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    1. Well there's a heartfull all in one sentence. "I had to experience great loss to find my own company." And then what, to actually enjoy your own company? Was there a process to that as well? Thank you for your encouragement KJ...in so many ways.

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Thank you for listening.