To hold that boulder between your teeth
to talk around it...work, jog
kiss with it between your lips
the ache growing
porcelain chipping away
silence chiseling into an insurmountable resolve.
What physical weight could you hold this long?
Why do you feel your heart stronger than your exoskeleton?
And when you finally released that mountain
let it flow downhill
picking up the steam you've imagined will render us
cartoon flat
bloodless...
it wasn't a boulder at all
that postured at the foot of us.
It was just a truth rising up like bile,
like childbirth
it could not be held back
else the child stillborn
and the mother dead also.
It ached for breath and faith
so that when it rolled to the base of us expelled
we would overshadow it.
"it"
this thing you feared say for so long
while building its walls and pouring its foundations,
hunkering down inside that fort
claiming safety.
It wasn't safe.
It was just self preservation
eating you alive
So powerful. So very strong, and a little scary to one who holds her words inside.
ReplyDeletethis expressed and issue very relatable. sometimes i feel like that ...flat like a cartoon and sometimes i feel i'm inside that boulder edging, edging at the side of a mountain readdy to roll down and unstopable. good write.
ReplyDeletegracias mi amiga
The truth shall set you free...or not. Rocks and boulders chase us all. We are all Sisyphus pushing that gd effin' boulder up the mountain only to have it eternally roll down again. Repeat...forever. The only salvation is in resting, looking around, enjoying the view if only for a moment, escaping in poetry-writing-books. And love, the love of friends can hold us to this earth or lift us to the clouds. You are so loved, my Annie. Love YOURSELF and don' t look back, only forward. xxoo
ReplyDeleteI can see some newfound spirit here..In fact I can see the whole of you here Annie. Perhaps this is addressed more to yourself than anyone else. And I need to read this with your heart.
ReplyDeleteI am still trying to face my biggest fear...the one that has happened.
ReplyDeleteBig Love to you,
Deb
Is it not the known secrets suppressed, that contribute most to interrupting life?
ReplyDeleteSo Enjoyed.
It’s been too long☺
It was just self preservation eating you alive....oh what a line that is...at times holding on for dear life is what eats you alive
ReplyDeletePowerful. The things we do to cope that turn into prisons too...
ReplyDeletewow. depressing as hell until it's clear that hope and insight have taken charge. self preservation is release, not imprisonment. that's what i read in your lovely poem.
ReplyDelete"picking up the steam you've imagined will render us
cartoon flat"
annie, this line reminds me of a joke I've told a hundred times--a rehab joke:
batman and robin got run over by a steamroller. they're being rehabilitated as flat man and ribbon
(hee hee hee) (forgive me)
SO good to be here again. please write more often?
love
kj
spit the bolder out,,,reckon? How have you been Ms. Wine
ReplyDelete