"Those were hard things for me to come by, and I offer them to you for what they may be worth." - Toby Wolff



Monday, February 23, 2015

Labyrinth of the Blind (description of a depressive episode)



I am throwing peanut shells in the fire
like kindling
like gossip
the kind of dry, unsubstantiated fodder
that hungry flames feed on.

I'm getting tipsy on gin and limes,
the moon-shine of full agreement.
Clouds are forming a canopy of heavy blankets
woven with depressive fibers.
It's almost as if someone loving
is laying them across my shoulders
as if they were made for me
as if they were comforting.
But reality seems an ocean, black and bottomless.
The corners of my mouth are cement shoes
and this night is a potter's field.

If I occupy the darkness...
let loose my attachment to the illumination I can find,
I will be lost
and only a deity can find me there,
in the ink spot,
the labyrinth of the unseeing.




13 comments:

  1. you have found the stillness and quiet of solitude in this piece. seemingly with the gin, ...the corners of my mouth are cement shoes and ...let losse my attachment to the illunination i can find, i will be lost and a deity can find me there...this all being of your choice.

    wonderful write of but a moment found in stillness, quiet and alone

    gracias for sharing this moment with such lovely words

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you :) I find a lot of stillness and solitude by the fire pit. I'm sure the alcohol doesn't help my depression at all, but it does help open my pen so the pent up emotion can run out!

      Delete
  2. Hey Ms. Annie,,,how are you? Maybe a campfire would be nice. reckon?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally reckon Mr. Glenn! A campfire would be perfect! Obviously I've been battling with depression. But I am familiar with this fire dance. It too shall pass. Other than that, I am very well. Life is good. Hope the same for you!

      Delete
  3. Engaging imagery/description of an evening in the dark in front a flame attempting to find the non existent shadows in an already dark space.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true when you think about it. There would not be any shadows in a space that was totally void of light. Even to see shadows then should be like hope. Light is near.

      Delete
  4. "Clouds are forming a canopy of heavy blankets
    Woven with depressive fibers..."

    Your words are an enlightened, poetic description of depression. I so understand this, my Annie. And I applaud you not only for writing about/through your depression, but also for sharing it for us to benefit from your hard- earned wisdom. Hang in there, sweet Annie. The sun is always shining behind those dark clouds. And every labyrinth has an outlet. I love you, BFF! xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know you understand my Poetess friend! Don't know about that wisdom part. It is hard earned and difficult to keep even when you find it. But I am looking for the sun, and often find it where you are :)

      Delete
  5. Wow, I kind of know this feeling, but if I could say it this beautifully, I wouldn't stay depressed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! If only :) Thank you Kass. I can only say I am sorry you know this feeling, even a little. ((Hugs))

      Delete
  6. Oh my gosh It's been so long since I've read you, how could i let you go, I'll never know. I know the feeling, medecine I've had to take long-term brings about suicidal tendencies, depression, and deep, deep anger unfortunately I can't stop taking the medication. With the of the world now as is stands a person who is not depressed,I'd find curiously uncaring... hugs to you my long forgotten musical friend

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh man! Seems like you should be able to find a medication that doesn't have such negative side effects for you! I'm so sorry. I find it such a struggle to find the right medication. I feel ya! ((Hugs))

      Delete
  7. I have been staying away from blogger for many reasons. It's nice to return and find a post from you. I need to get out of this funk also.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for listening.