"Those were hard things for me to come by, and I offer them to you for what they may be worth." - Toby Wolff

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Lie Like Yesterday

"I don't trust you!"

Yesterday I blurt it out like an untimely belch, though reeking well deserved on the finish. I haven't, and still don't. Gawd, it hurts my heart to say it, but I've held in so much that there is just no more room in storage. I don't want to look at your eyes, unsure if I want my suspicions confirmed and less sure to see your injury... for right, or wrong, there will be that.  So I stare at the logo on your shirt, wonder when the crease in the screen print will become a peel that falls off somewhere between first and second period...lie there unheeded until some ground watching idiot like myself notices it and decides to write a poem as if it mattered.

You tell me there was no lie...are no lies, but I've learned to trust myself, just a little...a grains worth, but still growing. I have no proof today, though previous convictions adhere to your shoes like gum. I know nothing with certainty but the four words I speak.

"I love you anyway."

You nod...say, "I'm glad you told me" and now I truly have no grain, no molecule.

Today a text. You ask if you can meet me for lunch. It's the first time....EVER.  I am so afraid. There are not words.

The week has been heavy and I am compressed, my arms too short to protect myself. And though I want to beg..."please son, don't crush me today"...now is not the time for that. It is time to lay as yesterday's dog.

1 comment:

  1. I have been to this place. Lunch. A good place to feed the relationship and water the soul for healing.


Thank you for listening.