I worshipped today
Soul crunching worship.
Have you ever?
Then there is no explanation sufficient.
It's been so long
but the song was made from my own joints
the way they push together without cartilage
carving new pathways into this flat valley
for rivers to run
painful, yet no less of a journey.
So my soul rose up as
tears, meeting these lips
opened in allowance.
I sang.
It was time,
the voice was choked...but heard
my heart
ahhh, my heart
one measured bar released
from such a cage.
.
.
.
.
I love this, it's how worship is supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful and between you and God.
Rabbit
It seems as if music is now a conduit. I mean it always was...but now it is the only way for me to hear. Thank you.
DeleteI envy all who can do this. For me the science gets in the way.
ReplyDelete:) As it does for many. However, the science goes both ways. I wonder if we only look at the science that confirms our viewpoint. I try to look at both. Evaluate. Yet, in the end, experience wins out over science. A feeling cannot be ignored anymore than a "fact".
Deletethe song was made carving new pathways for river to run. this was some good writin'. you captured some joy here. i don't know enough about your pattern of work, but i tend to effuse joy in my writing after going dark previously. i wonder if you are similar. nothing wrong with working through that natural cycle, at least for those of us who aren't yogis and aren't super content all the time.
ReplyDeleteHeh heh...my pattern? What pattern? Do I have one? LOL. Well, never considered myself a yogi, so I guess you're right Shutter Bug!
DeleteI remember the abandon and freedom. It was like my heart had flown right out of my being and straight to heaven. I could feel the light almost as if it was balzing within me. Yes I do remember this feeling even as I acknowledge that it's many decades since I felt anything quite like it.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are finding your way Annie. Sometimes faith sustains us when everything else fails. Much love xx Jos
The body remembers, yes? Worship like this is physical. I wish for your heart to fly again, but each of us has our own spiritual trail to blaze, and I think there are times of flight and times of grounding. I sent your bracelet today Citrus, and a little something extra :)
Deleteyou hit on something in your comment that resonates deeply with me.....the tension between science and spirituality. your statement: a feeling cannot be ignored any more than a 'fact' is so very true, but a truth that is so very overlooked and undervalued in our prevailing culture.
ReplyDeletesoul crunching worship...and that photograph? exquisite.
Good word for it. Tension. Thank you! The photograph was taken of an old rosary at my Pop's place. I think there is also a tension in it, although it looks sleepy. The tension between something that wishes to be alive, but is ignored.
DeleteGorgeous. I love how your prayer is movement-based (shouldn't all prayers feel that way?). There's this great quote that says, "Just between me and God... there is no between."
ReplyDelete:)
Thanks Tracy. You know it's weird. I wrote this piece for me (as I do all my pieces) but with this one I was SURE there would be no comments. It's so blatantly spiritual and I know so many of my peeps (followers) feel differently. I love that it is okay to have the discussion, to hear another viewpoint and weigh it with consideration, and I love that you took the time to read. Thanks girl. Great quote. There is a song... um, let me see if I can find it....ahhhh here
Delete"All I really wanna do is to fall into the emptiness that is the space in between us, to break this division."...."Here I am, I'm coming to meet You."
I find this moment most when I am out alone in nature. There's a reason prophets took those soul-searching walks in the wilderness.
ReplyDeleteOnce when I was hiking in Arkansas, I came up on the outdoor chapel they had used at the campsite some time before, but was now dilapidated, full of bats and spiders and overturned pews. There was this wooden cabinet behind the pulpit, not like a kitchen cabinet, but more like a wooden safe, built flush into the stonework hearth there.
It was locked. I sat on one of the spider-pews with the bats fluttering overhead, and me and my water bottle and half a gallon of summertime sweat wondered just what the hell was in there.
The answer was this: Not what I desire, or want, but what I need.
- Eric
Nature is the biggest conduit for worship. " the very rocks cry out". To find a chapel in the wilderness? Amazing treasure, as both the spiders and the bats already knew. Good question Eric, and an honest answer.
DeleteWhat a beautiful, yet, so haunting photo of that cross...
ReplyDeleteWorship involves the Heart and the Mind... forget Science... Forgive Science... there are some Relationships out there that just can't be explained...
You are on the Right Path...
~shoes~
Thanks Shoes. "Forgive science". Interesting notion. It is a dim mirror of human eyes through which we see. Someday we will see clearly. Hope you are well Shoes.
Deleteannie, i wanted to say:
ReplyDeleteEinstein: "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts."
and i wanted to say the shift can be felt. it's happening, girl. even in those scary moments, don't let that mind of yours tell you otherwise.
and while i'm at it, and here is science and faith and music and 'one measured bar released,' (yay!!), i wanted to leave the longest blog comment of my blog career, aka dr. einstein himself, but blogger made me slice and edit. xo
let me say beforehand love love to you.....
"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."
"I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
"The only real valuable thing is intuition."
"A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."
"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing."
"If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut."
"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
"No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"
."
"The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking...the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker."
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."
)
oh did i say annie, i am indeed rooting and it's a good bet.
love
kj
Were those all Einstein quotes? I saw a biography once, how hard he searched to prove God, felt he KNEW the world was Created, but in the end, he couldn't cross his own boundary. I'll have to watch it again. I think it was Einstein. Anyway....thank you for all those nuggets. You are a great rooter :) Were you a cheerleader in your younger days? *grin*
Deleteit does not surprise me that your worship speaks to me of freedom. you open your mouth and notes fly out. you open your spirit and there it goes. beautiful and important, even though so small.
ReplyDeletexo
erin
So small indeed. I stood in a field last night as the weighted sun fell to the ground before me. Even the animals stopped for such a moment. Eric is right. Worship in nature is extraordinary. You have a new picture! I'll go enlarge it up so I can see you.
DeleteYes to worship. I've tripped, slipped and fallen ass over tea kettle into the murky slough of despondency. God help us all. Love you, my Annie. xox
ReplyDeleteWell, I sent you an shovel for all that murk. Blech. You know I know you know, just how it is. Love you too my Marion.
DeleteTMJ ROCKS! (just trying to be positive) :/
Just found you here... and singing--harmony in a group, preferably has always been how I get to that place. Your writing is powerful and opens me up as I have not felt opened since... well, around 52. Come to think of it, and at 55 and at 57 and..
ReplyDeleteNever mind.
I love your writing. And last night, when I was singing with the women in our group, I felt opened up and spent. In a good way.
I have a definite love relationship with harmony. Ever since I can remember I have sung harmony to every note heard. Why sing the same as someone else? It makes no sense to me. So I add to their notes the unique substance of my own. And there...a symphony :) Thank you Jeannette
DeleteI believe any and all worship begins with the belief in oneself first and foremost. Your faith is the fount in which your soul sings and it begins with you.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful poetic heart sweet friend. (Hugs)Indigo
Ah yes. Faith in self. Takes a leap my friend. Just to trust oneself is a tall order for me. But you are right. Trust is where it all begins.
Delete((Hugs)) back Indigo. One for Pickles too!
Hello Annie - Yes, seek him, but...listen for him when you ask. He is there. You are a gift to mankind, you have something to give and to share, that will change other peoples lives. Perhaps you already have, I am sure that you have, you just didn't see it. Let's say just ONE soul found Christ though you and your life, then you have lived a life that is well worth living and worth having. Praying for you my sweet friend. Love you all the bunches.
ReplyDelete- BamaTrav
I suppose I've changed a couple. But it seems a long time since I've changed anyone for good. We are all important humans with gifts to give! Thank you.
DeleteJust trust yourself. You have so much to offer that is of value. Believe, it is true!
ReplyDelete:) See previous comment thread with Indigo. But I'm trying. Thanks Peggy
DeleteThe allowance
ReplyDeleteah, the allowance.
Remember who you are now?
Sing baby, sing.
Sing baby, sing. Reminds me of Phantom of the Opera :) Higher and higher and higher until a perfect pitch breaks through the ceiling.
DeleteYES, I want to hear you sing, Annie :-)
ReplyDeleteHmmm. I don't feel like I will be allowed to worship corporately anymore. So....I'm not sure Ben. Maybe someday I will record myself, but that always sounds like crap. Have you ever recorded your own voice? It's pretty scary. I voice over my own commercials for work. The spoken word is easier to take then song. Amazing what the distance between mouth and ear can manipulate. Speaker to ear misses a very necessary step. Hell, that doesn't really matter. Maybe someday Ben...as scritchy as it may be. Someday.
DeleteGod and people are more forgiving than you're giving credit.
DeleteDon't be so hard on yourself Annie
Rabbit
Wow ...
ReplyDeleteGood for you!