"Those were hard things for me to come by, and I offer them to you for what they may be worth." - Toby Wolff

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

This Bird and The Bees

It's early morning
but the bees
are already thrumming Rimsky-Korsakov

He had asked me if I could run
were I chased...
and I looked at the bolts of his joints
similar to my own
father-daughter scars, genetic weakness.
I bend a leg which creaks in protest
...could I?

I am standing in the moment of flash flood
where the gully is worn smooth and the road depressed
and the bees
THE BEES have picked up tempo
like the quickening of desire

I see them coming like the waters

As promised, I am posting some things about myself.  For those uninterested parties, you've a free pass to move on.

1. I don't like bees (ya think?). I'm deathly afraid of  'em because it's a big deal. It hurts...okay, not like child birth or kidney stones, or Carl the workout Nazi...but still! I swell up and itch for weeks. YES weeks. I'm not just being dramatic. Same with those damn mosquitos. They LOVE me, the blood thirsty bastards!

2. I'm persnickety. It all stems from control issues, of which I have a full deck. But I try to reign it in. And I can laugh at it now. I can point at myself like the world's biggest ball of string. "Get a load of this!"

3. Pessimistic is too weak a word. I'd go Goth if I wasn't so damn old. I've a very negative side. A very dark side. I fight those too. But when I told my boss I was going on anti-depressents, he said, "Oh man...I liked you angry!", so I keep a truck load little. Can't afford to get fired :)

4. Weight gain is my super power, so I'm always on a diet and definitely have the workout bug. Eat little. Move much. But then there's pizza...my first crush. We have dates every now and again...me and my hubba hubba veggie combo!

5. I'm not a prissy chick. I don't like pink, or lace, or ruffles, and I definitely don't want a girl bike. I like guy stuff. But I have a little girlie head and a small face. I practically have to buy my sunglasses in the kids department.

6. Independent. Yep! And dissociation is my go-to defense mechanism. I guess maybe you might say a bit anti-social. Of course, if by some quirk of nature I have gotten to know you, then you can't shut me up, or shut me out, or not invite me to your parties. My co-worker is a little blonde bit of a thing (two reasons to shun her, which I did at first...but I was up front about it), and she told me the other day that I was the funniest person she knows. "Really?" I said..."then it's a good thing I decided to like you Kate!"

7. Which brings me to the very unpolitically correct fact that I am horribly prejudiced against blonde's and skinny people. It's just....well...it's a visceral thing. I try ignore it, I really do. But, nah....I haven't really gotten the hang of it. You can call it jealousy if you want, which is ridiculous only fair.

8. I have two dads, two moms, two half brothers, one half sister, two non-biological brothers and I've lost count of how many nieces and nephews. My niece Stephanie (no biological relation) looks more like my child than my own! Weird. But being adopted gives me an affinity for these look-alike connections. My son Jordan used to say, "I have the same color-a eyes as my mom, but the shape-a eyes as my dad." It wasn't true. His eyes are hazel. Mine are brown. But they are big and round like his dad's.

9. I get really mad if you tell me I can't do something. I'll kill myself proving you wrong. I get really mad if you try to help me when I don't need it or didn't ask for it. I get mad when something on my body falls apart. I get mad when they run out of Peet's Decaf at the store. I get mad a lot. But I'm Italian. It's what we do....and I'm only now learning to show it, which helps with the ulcers.

10. I hate silly stuff....like cartoons, Austin Powers, spoof movies. I rarely laugh out loud when watching movies, TV, or reading books. (I do laugh watching Modern Family. That show cracks me the hell up.) I laugh the hardest at myself. When I type LOL, or LMAO, I'm usually lying. And, as luck would have it...rare as it is...my laugh is one of the few things I really like about myself. I think it's beautiful.

Gwen (Stephanie's Mom), Stephanie, Me wearing the wings Marion made me :)


  1. Ah, Space Lady...we have met. The name attracted me :)

  2. I like you just the way you are. We're all a bit persnickety, no? Y'all look gorgeous in the photo. I'd give my right tit to be as pretty and skinny as you. For real.

    I love you, my Annie. You're just perfect to me. xoxo


    "Friends can be said to 'fall in like' with as profound a thud as romantic partners fall in love." ~Letty Cottin Pogrebin

  3. True dat, my Marion. I've fallen in like with you too...with profundity! When you coming for that visit????

  4. I love what you wrote about bees....I love who you are but even more so love that you know who you are, we're a lot alike, except I'm the eternal optimist...I tried to cure it, but hell's bell, doesn't work. I don't have a big family, and I'm so grateful. You are scrumptiously beautiful, have your pizza, you won't gain any weight, (well you know once a week) andno worries I've sent my Angel that ensures no weight gain when eating pizza (even if it's the entire thing) once a week. I have a lot of angels, I find them useful...you're the coolest

  5. We like people for the qualities, but love them for their faults. :)

  6. Hey is this an AA meeting?
    That's Angry Annie in case you didn't know- but only on odd days, on normal days it's Awesome Annie...
    I'd like to sign up... But My name isn't Annie, and I might not meet the size requirement! : O
    It's ok, I usually manage to sneak by the "you must be this wide to get on this ride" signs... That may be one of my minor-powers.

    Persnickety sounds like a vorpal balisong singing in mid-dance.

    Rock on Annie!

  7. Lorraine - If you've got angels like that...you should market it. I'd pay top dollar for a calorie free pizza angel. I might even give you my first born child!

    Eric - Awwwww. Can you cross stitch that on a pillow for me? Okay, maybe the wife?

    Alesa - My Pollyanna. AA meeting. I ALMOST laughed! I can kind of feel it gurgling in my throat. See, when you make me laugh at myself it's...OMG...here it comes...wheeeeee....I am actually laughing.

  8. I like bees, Annie. I love honey and the sound they make. They make me think of Yeats (and I sometimes like to think of Yeats):

    The lake of Innisfree.

    I WILL arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
    And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made:
    Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,
    And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

    And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
    Dropping from the veils of the mourning to where the cricket sings;
    There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
    And evening full of the linnet's wings.

    I will arise and go now, for always night and day
    I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
    While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
    I hear it in the deep heart's core.

    Pretty good, I think.

    I'm with you on the mosquitoes though: one of god's mistakes (well, we all make 'em) :)

  9. Andreas - I've never read Yeats...so thank you. Did some research. It is said this poem was an attempt to create a form of poetry that was Irish in origin rather than one that adhered to the standards set by English poets and critics. Yeats would be pretty damn amazed at you, I'll wager...all us bloggers who write in a box without sides.

    I too stand on the pavement, and hear lake water lapping.

  10. Hi there, I've just discovered your blog. You're funny. So, it would be okay for me to be angry if I was Italian?
    I hate all those flying critters, and the crawly too many legged ones are worse. Such is life.

  11. Hi Linda - Usually not very funny...not when I write anyway. Sorry to disappoint right out of the start gate, but at least that way we dispense with any expectations of amusement :) It's okay to be angry if you're Irish or Portugese too...or Jewish...or woman...or man...

  12. I wasn’t surprised by any of the ten. They seem to all fit after so much time.
    Enjoyed the poem, and the rest. Nice pose.

  13. ohmygod, you most definitely look like Stephanie's mom. but then you knew that. holy geez.

    you should like more than your laugh. i'm just saying. and you should laugh more. i'm just saying. ok, now i'm laughing. just as you are, annie. just as you are.


  14. Anthony - Well...why would you be surprised! Such big eyes you have to see me with (grandpa) wolf!

    Erin - Yay! Everyone's laughing. It's a good day Erin. A very good day.

  15. The road depressed
    heading into my heart
    voiced by the sound of chainsaws(bees)
    cutting across vintage plume
    Desire is heading home,wet

    Annie i'm not taking free pass..I loved the poem..and i will pay with my time as soon as the people i pretend to work for give ME a free pass...see you soon...

  16. Manik - Oh Yes! Chainsaw bees. Perfect. A scarlet plume of blood. It's getting creepy in here :), but it fits with my feelings about bees. Your poetry makes me remember things about myself Manik, things I want to say. It's a gift to me. A gilded mirror.

  17. Ah, Annie, I love it all. I'm scrawny and mostly blond but I like to think we'd still get along quite nicely in person, as we have the same sense of (dark, screwed up) humor, both like to kick ass, and both are apparently allergic to pink. Also, I got stung by a bee on my foot last weekend and now it itches LIKE HELL. LIKE HELL ON FIRE.

    Also: "I get really mad if you tell me I can't do something." Yep!! You blame the Italian for that, I blame the Scottish for that, and we'll both keep kicking ass and taking names. :)

  18. Tracy, You know I LOVE you. I'm going to be in your movie...the one where you star alongside Ryan Reynolds :) I'll be the cantankerous old yap whose always bitching about the noise you young folk make with your grunge band, but winds up belting out a horrid rendition of RESPECT at your wedding (to the thunderous applause of everyone). We'll get along all right. You'd never be rid of me. I get my funny bone from you ya know. I've only got the one :) And the boat. Don't forget. I gotta boat Tracy...whenever it starts to flood.

  19. ww, well, this is one fine way to get to know you (although i kind of do already, except i mostly know the part of you who is so kind and supportive and wise and wistful). anyway, let's start with peet's coffee. A plus already. ♥

    and then it seems that you know full well how to kick ass but you really don't need to. that's another high grade.

    i have a feeling you are a marshmellow, kind of. not to say you don't have crunch, because you do, but your heart is a good kind of mush.

    i shouldn't be coming off like i know, so quickly, but what the heck....

    :^) & ♥

  20. I have a recurring nightmare, perhaps four or five times year, where a hornet is crawling up my back. And I stay frozen, just waiting for it to fly off, usually I wake up before it does ...

    I like honey bees though.

    Neat trivia about yourself ...

  21. KJ - Yeah...marshmellow pretty much works :) A good kind of mush, BGI! (Big Grin Inside)
    Yeah Peet's!!!! What the heck kj! What the heck indeed :)

    Matt D - Trivia???? TRIVIA???? My inner guts are TRIVIA???????? Yes, you are forgiven :)

  22. i love rimsky-korsakov. easily my favorite composer.
    i also love bees. was stung more than 30 times by a swarm when i was a youngster. i think their venom made me one of them on some level:)
    when you open up like this, it's like a goddess showing us humans how to really live.

  23. Ed - You oughta write a poem about that....becoming one with the venom and all. I think it's cool. If you won't, I will. Hey Dude...did you send my book back? Just checking cuz I'd hate for USPS to have swallowed it :)

  24. We have something in common: weight gain is my super power too! (Honestly, I didn't know if I should put a smiley face here or a sad face....)

  25. Blimey you look like Stephanie's mum ... really really like her. Ha I love KJ's comment too. I was thinking of you earlier as I was out with my bees. They are so docile at this time of year ... so focussed on the task at hand that they hardly even notice me pootling around in their hive.

    I'm glad you are better at getting mad and showing it. I think we can get scared of our anger sometimes. Well I get scared of pretty much anything as you know but especially anger.

    What I like about number 6 is that it's sooooo true. :) xx

    1. You look entirely like Stephanie's mum

  26. Mandy - "Wonder twin powers...activate! Form of Jennifer Aniston!" Okay. Am I dating myself? Probably. But if Jennifer Aniston were a brunette...I'd want to look like her :)

    Jos - You had me at "blimey". My bi-lingual-ness is getting better and better :) #6? Yes, you better send me an invitation. I'm pretty stuck on you Citrus!

  27. ok I am waiting for some time for you to show me how to start a blog..it may be time! just don't know if I have the time. I am sure I could probably figure it out myself, but then I wouldn't get time with you! I loved your 'about me' stuff..except the part that you don't like skinny people or blondes..except..I don't think i am skinny really, and I am not a true blonde..so ..do you like me?! I read a bunch of your writing, and I love it..and I love you. Love, "the mother of your real niece who looks more like you than me",..ha ha...! sis

  28. You hate silly things? It would seem I'm doomed :p


Thank you for listening.