"Those were hard things for me to come by, and I offer them to you for what they may be worth." - Toby Wolff



Monday, May 2, 2011

Elusion



I can't grab hold...
elusive as innocence
it
as silk ribbons
through the oil slick of my hands
a hooked strand
though blurred
like partial prints under thumb
in astigmatic squint, I strain for focus
gather evidence in the creases of my face
commingle with sweat
and blood, from a forehead
banging

Your impatience swoons
towards my liquid arms...
formless and flowing,
my furrowed brow attempts
levy and dike

I can't grab hold
I can't hold you

you can
become one
with my water
.
.
.

(The difficulty of knowing...really knowing something...an answer, grabbing hold of a niggling thought. Trying so hard to KNOW...ruminating in razors until there is nothing but the shredded thing that you were, and the understanding that you are the only one with thread enough for sutures.)

13 comments:

  1. Grasping at straws just beyond our reach,
    not learning the lessons they have to teach.

    As long as you're seeking, grasping at Why,
    the rest of the world is passing you by.

    A rich, delightful piece, Annie.

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  2. i'm not even sure if those answers are real. so much changes - there's a real evolution of self and knowing self and so how know anything else? it's crazy infinite, the answers.

    xo
    erin

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  3. Eric - "ours is not to reason why" eh? Perhaps. It is biblical after all :)

    Erin - Ha! My next piece follows that thread...that an answer today is tomorrows question. Sometimes a leap of faith is required to move into tomorrow when head banging for absolutes gets you nowhere. I am finding that the best things I am knowing about myself are revealed in my attempts to know others. I must be out in the world. My usual self shuns population :)

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  4. Become one with my water. Sounds sort of like Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land with the ubiquitous water brother ceremonies.

    You kept me going with the A-Z challenge, by the way. Thank you for being my inspiration! I was ready to quit there in the middle.

    - Eric

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  5. There is something to be said for this struggle you express here so well. There are so many unrelated thoughts, like branches to be followed. Many time knowing just gets in the way of creativity. I wish…

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  6. I liked the poem, but your prose addition at the end really grabbed me. I'm going to read this again, tomorrow!

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  7. Eric - I loved the way you can laugh at your own expense. Your A-Z's were funny and real. You lay it all out there...unafraid to be you. I really enjoyed them. Do it again :)

    Anthony - I over analyze. It's a curse. Decisions are so hard for me. An absolute is hard. Concrete thinking...my mind never stays on a square. I am constantly moving my game piece around the board.

    Matt - I know you like to leave your poems open to interpretation, and I do too at times. But I have readers that aren't necessarily into poetry and they like to know what the hell I'm talking about. I am grateful for those readers. It's how I became drawn to poetry...reading someone's blog. I'm paying it forward :) Thank you!

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  8. beautiful like the person.

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  9. Gorgeous poem, and the picture fits perfectly.

    A lot of times I used to sit and really struggle to understand something, full well knowing that my monkey brain would just swing away at whatever answers were coming. So instead of asking, I just learned to listen and shut my brain up. You might find it helpful too, as I think your brain and mine are very similar :)

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  10. Travis - Thank you!

    Tracy - Holy Monkey Brains, I wish! Yours is so much funnier! But you are absolutely right. It does no good to ruminate about something over which you have little control. Shut my brain up. And my mouth on occasion!

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  11. hello: i hope you don't mind that i've stopped by. i have read your wise words at jos' blog and i am finally nudged after seeing you too at tracy's. i come and i find a lovely poem and a good question.

    how do any of us really know anything? well...i know kindness when i see it. and i know self satisfaction when i feel it. for me it's the more complicated offerings--passion, for one--that confounds and confuses me. sometimes.

    okay: maybe even more than sometimes. :^)

    best wishes,
    love
    kj

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  12. KJ - Mind? Absolutely not. I've been waiting for you! Though the pastries have cooled, the coffee is always fresh. I appreciate this..."I love people who struggle and others who glide" from your profile. I suppose we all struggle. I appreciate those who are transparent with it. I was reading one of your posts and was struck by the vision of a woman with one foot solidly connected to the ground, wondering why she could feel so lost and found at the same time. There are so many divisions of self. Sometimes they merge as a forceful entity, but more often than not they argue their sides. I feel it is common to feel lost and found, coming and going, tethered and free, all within the same breath. It's common for me anyway. My husband sighed just yestarday..."It's hard to be you, isn't it?" I laughed. He finally gets it!

    Complicated offerings. Passion. Confounds and confuses me too. Sometimes. As with all things. I only hold them KNOWN for a moment, and then they change.

    Thank you so much for coming by KJ :)

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  13. I just was reading this again.

    It's very intense, I think. Very well done. I got it more this time around than I did before.

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Thank you for listening.