The carpet is brown.
I am laying on the floor of this apartment
like a dirty snow angel
limbs askew...one shoe off, one shoe on
bare feet or shoes?bare feet or shoes.barefeetorshoesorbarefeetorshoes
My teeth are clenched
these jaws of life
having given birth to sequestered monsters
that ate the heart of man
while I held his convulsing body in my spent arms.
The monsters got too big to swallow.
Thou art loosed and the battle has begun.
.
.
.
.
I have an apartment. It is hard to say. It was immeasurably hard to do. I will figure myself out. I have hope I will. I will do it alone. Each day is a question. Perhaps each evening will find an answer. I am committed to it. Committed to whatever it takes to come to a place where my heart and soul live out loud.
ReplyDeleteI read once the word 'alone' stems, from 'all one'. You are all one, always - something to celebrate, to nurture. :)
ReplyDeleteAnnie, I promise, there is that place. I went through the same thing a few years back and it seems black but......it IS NOT!! Sending you prayers.
ReplyDeleteEcoGrrl - Interesting. Roots of words always seem to give insight. All one. I do feel as if I have many separate selves. Sybil.
ReplyDeleteAK - Thanks. Prayers are always appreciated.
all the strength to you, Ms. Wine,,,
ReplyDeleteuntamed dark monsters i always hope to have an affinity for. but it's always a test, ain't it?
ReplyDeleteneat piece. yes, i say neat:)
I really like this one.
ReplyDeleteYes to living our loud. YESyesYESyesYESyesYES! Sending love, hugs and pure cloud strength, my Annie. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI wish the the best of luck with your ongoing journey, Annie. (I'm pulling for you!)
ReplyDeleteAnnie. You write with so much emotion a paint such a vivid picture.
ReplyDeleteI don't always see exactly what you intended, but that's ok.
You have an amazing gift hat needs to be shared and pondered by others.
Rabbit
I usually read your poems out loud to myself but couldn't due to sinus problems. Still, very powerful inside my head.
ReplyDeleteThis is said so well. I remember a similar time after so many years, my first apartment alone. It seems so long ago. So many more good things in life were/are filling in this space where the monsters once were.
ReplyDeletethose sequestered monsters cause quite a ruckass. you are wise to stop trying to swallow them. as i read this, i thought: both shoes needed for rocky terrain. no shoes needed for beachy sand. this poem speaks to me about finding a place and embracing it. you have that right, you deserve it, you will find your way. i say that because joss and i are not far ahead or behind :^)
ReplyDeletehappy holidays annie. xoxo
Have left behind
ReplyDeleteWalking up the stairs side by side
Stopping every so often to look left and right
Searching for it truly they will find
Love and sorrow
Pain and pride
Soul swallowing joy
These are what the truth monsters
Have left behind
Chris McQueeney 12/20/11 11:30PM
Annie, keep wandering, live, love, laugh, cry, scream, and write yes write! These are what life is, these moments that seem to last an eternity, but end sooner than we think. My muse was born through a dark flame, and tempered with a heavy dose of sorrow, but has brought me joy like I never thought possible. Not knowing what you are going through except through metaphor this is the only thing I have to offer…If you ever need a willing ear you have my email and I would gladly give you my number.
I got your back!!!
ReplyDeleteAnnie,
ReplyDeleteClever play of words...Have i missed something in recent times or have you had this up your sleeve all along...Nonetheless keep going...and the sounds get louder....so when you are down....they can scream at you...we need that....
ohhhh so clever and powerful! "the monsters got too big too swallow.." still smiling here:)))))))))) and I picture Annie Lenox singing in the background
ReplyDeleteOh yes, live out loud til your lungs hurt.
ReplyDeleteRooting for you.
I hope you find your answers. I wish you would talk to me. -Young One
ReplyDeletehttp://youtu.be/nhIDIDsZnEA
ReplyDeleteGoogle the lyrics. I think you will love this one.
oh also my heart has been smashed in smithereens...but lying on wooden floor is useless my 3 cats think it's a game
ReplyDeleteahh darlin not separate selves rather you have facets which make up the complexity and simplicity and beauty of YOU. people who don't know me assume i'm 'gregarious'. yet i get home and for hours i do not speak, i am quiet. but what i love? everyone sees different facets of me, and there are still more sides to give, and to let be discovered. embrace your beauty in all its forms and facets...happy solstice, let the sun in!
ReplyDeleteFrom one broken heart to another: Have Hope and a Wonderful Miraculous Christmas, love you girlxxx
ReplyDeletemerry christmas, annie:)
ReplyDeleteAngels ... we need more angels, dirty snow angel or otherwise, we need more angels.
ReplyDeleteYou have an excellent way with words.