I think lives have themes. Genres perhaps. You will find hers under TRIUMPH and his under COMEDY. I fear to name mine, as in doing so I might self-fulfill (but I already have. Shhhh, ignorance is bliss!)
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Fridays are for funerals. Mondays...for mourning. All the days in between try to cheer me. They do a damn good job. Too good! Loss, that tenacious animal, poses as a mid-day and sneaks green-eyed peeks at how good I feel, how comfortable, how unaware of any boom about to jibe.
Then that beast reasserts itself. I hate that fucker...how it mocks. "I lulled you into something you enjoyed. I placed your hand into that of another and (heh heh...) you though it fit. You thought today was forever and you assumed you were some kind of gift and therefore....there were gifts you could keep (heh heh...)."
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I stare at my translucent hands and they have no mass. They are incapable of holding a single thing. They have no property, though on a Tuesday or Wednesday they grasp at Deeds. How could I know that paper so easily burned while I held it, and Title was just an accelerant?
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I am attending another wake today.
Looking down at my shoes, I burst out laughing. The canvas background is jet black, though peace signs, hearts and flowers scribble their way across the permanent theme.
What the hell? They must think it's a Wednesday!
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I totally love this one, Annie. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteThose are totally wonderful shoes!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about the wake you are having to attend... As we age, we end up having to attend more and more of these types of events.
I used to just cry and cry at these things... now, I am better able to appreciate the Life that has lately left this world...
I'm hoping all is well with you, Ms Annie...
Always...
~shoes~
I like all of this, of course, but especially the understanding: ignorance is bliss. This allows us to be lulled into feeling good more often than bad.
ReplyDeletegirl, you roll out metaphors like a master poet. i won't forget this tale any time soon.
ReplyDeletei am wishing to have a cup of coffee, tea or make believe wine with you annie. because: that fucker you speak of has too much power. he/she CAN"T take it back once it's yours. okay, long term trust is something else again. so is betrayal, so is the unexpected. alot sucks.
but what if i told you that hearts can bounce instead of break? that you can fly and i can meet you over a certain tree top? why not?
if in our tiny control all we can do is be dogged about what we think and what we insist on, i think that should count for something.
i do.
love♥
kj
This is a great phrase: ..."how comfortable, how unaware of any boom about to jibe." Hope things went Okay yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI saw so much death as a child...10 or more funerals, 2 were double funerals of my baby cousins and their parents killed by a drunk driver coming home for Christmas...that I think fate or God or whatever, has had mercy on me as an adult...only 2 funerals. Death is a part of life that we do not like to party with, for sure. Those shoes tell the story. In the midst of death, there is joyous LIFE! Love & Hugs, my Annie. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThanks Eric!
ReplyDeleteShoes - I'm fine. I don't think I've ever loved a thing (other than my electronics) more than those Chucks. Not even my red ones hold my heart like these.
Anthony - And then again...ignorance is just ignorance. It always catches up.
KJ - Make believe wine? Say it isn't so! Wine is one thing I totally believe in :) I find that many things in my life have more power than they should. I need to start weight lifting. You nailed it KJ - a lot sucks...but hearts do mend.
Liza - Well I've been wacked by the boom (literally) enough times that it sticks with me. Yesterday was hard. On top of the "funeral" mentioned here, my youngest son moved out that evening. I thought I was ready. But I just stood at the end of the driveway and waved with my sobs.
Marion - Maybe there's a quota God knows about. But this was not a literal death, not a literal funeral. Just loss. And so it goes. Feels so damn familiar. Maybe that's what pisses me off. It's almost homey. Blech. I need to get my ass back in therapy!!! Love you!
This is a SERIOUS question:
ReplyDeleteAnnie, what is your shoe size?
Marty - You are strange. Not a fetish guy are ya? In Converse Chucks and sandals I wear a 9. In closed toe or tennis shoes I wear 9.5 generally. Although I have a pair of sandals that are 8.5 and I have one pair of shoes that are a 10!
ReplyDeleteFetish - what's that?
ReplyDeleteThis piece in and of itself is a different genre on its own -- a hybrid of sorts that shimmers between prose and poem and diary and news. Love how you found the right order of construct to the inner chaos...
ReplyDeleteHi Annie, It is good to see you still writing, you said last post that you had killed your muse. I felt for the last week a lassitude stripping my spark away. This morning it came roaring back loudly enough to set my hands to shaking, I wrote!
ReplyDeletemake believe wine only for me. a sad story with a healthy ending :^)
ReplyDeletetsup! ♥
Don't forget "dead time", half hour before midnight, for good, half hour after, for evil.
ReplyDeleteMarty - I just hope you're sending me shoes. Shoes are always a good idea.
ReplyDeleteDana - Thanks! I think it really worked for me, to not feel contrained to either prose or poetry. I am in this place in life where I really hate feeling contrained. I was born on the cusp of Aries and Taurus, and while I put absolutely no stock in astrology...reading the Taurus sign gave me the words to this feeling I have had for awhile.
He Meant Well - I will always content that things NEED to be written. And sometimes nothing does. So there are times we write, and times there is just nothing to say. But when there are things to say...and you hold them back for the sake of an audience whom you assume will be tired of your negativity or whatever...well...that's when all that needs to be release gets tongue tied and starts to rot within your mouth.
KJ - Bravo! Not knowing the story, I can only say that my mother is an alcoholic and I wish she had your strength.
Travis - Never heard of it! I'll fall asleep at midnight then and skip the evil. I still have this post to write about several evil visitations I would just as soon forget.
I'm sure I'll never know you well enough to know what you're talking about, but I can enjoy it nonetheless. I enjoy it for the diction, the cadence, for the language and the way you tell it.
ReplyDeleteFistful - ACK! I used the wrong name. I knew someone else with a similar blog name and my fingers just went. Sorry about that. When I read your blog today I realized I had made the mistake of calling you Dana. My sincere apologies.
ReplyDeleteYoda - Some posts will make complete sense. Others will be shrouded in mystery. Mostly I make complete sense. Right? RIGHT??? Ha!
i liked this a lot too. you cut it loose in a way i especially liked, throughout. the universe has rules, yeah it does. you speak for humanity.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written. Hope you're feeling all right.
ReplyDeleteIt's outrageously beautiful, and mine will come
ReplyDelete